Building compassion for anxiety during COVID-19

Written by Meg Lyons, M.Ed., Registered Psychologist

Understanding that not everyone is in the “same boat.” 

It is ok to acknowledge that there are certain internal and external stressors in your life that may make it harder to deal with the pandemic. 

For example: individual(s) who were already under financial strain, in distressed relationships, dealing with chronic illness, have low family support, those in a caregiver role for immuned compromised individuals or children, or those who have lost loved ones to illness. Those with previous trauma, struggles with anxiety, panic, or post- traumatic stress, may notice increased distress, anxiety, and panic. New mothers who are already noticing natural neurobiological changes that result in increased anxiety postpartum, may notice it increase in what is already a stressful time of recovery and healing. 

What to do: 

Practice self-compassion (Braehler & Neff, 2020; Neff, 2011)  

1. Observe and notice what thoughts, feelings, emotions surface for you during this time, stay curious. 

2. Acknowledge your pain: “This hurts,” “This is really painful what I am going through right now.” 

3. Stay connected. “Other people feel this way and I am not alone” 

4. Do something kind and comforting for yourself, as you might for a valued friend. 

5. Reach out to a trusted other.

We cannot do the pandemic alone. Practice asking for help.   

Even though our society falsely idolizes self-sufficiency, we are absolutely dependent on others for survival and wellbeing. No one can do the pandemic alone. If you are, either there are help/resources you have that remain unacknowledged, or there will be some level of suffering. 

What to do:  

1. Talk to a friend via phone or video and make it a regular part of your day or weekly schedule.  You can rest knowing there is some predictable support and connection already scheduled. 

2. Practice accepting offers of help, and asking others for help. Try sharing mixed emotions if guilt gets in the way. For example:

   • “I’m not doing ok with everything that is going on, would you mind checking in on me every couple of days with a quick phone call or text? 

   • “I’m feeling quite anxious with everything that is going on, would you mind picking up a few things for me tomorrow?” 

   • “I know you have a lot on your plate as well, so I feel guilt reaching out to you, but I am feeling down with everything that is going on, could we have a chat later?”

   • “On one hand, I feel guilty asking for help from you, on the other hand, I know I need it, could you lend me your ear for the next 15 minutes so I can just vent without getting into solutions?”

   • “I feel guilty reaching out for support, but I know I need it right now, is there some way I could reciprocate?”

   • “I need a break, would you watch the kids for the next hour?”

* Trusted others would be individuals that you feel can tolerate emotions and listen non-judgmentally (For more, check out Brene Brown’s video on Trust or check out my article on how to support your loved ones during COVID-19).

Don’t force yourself to “think positive.”  

Our brains will often err on the side of caution and negativity as a survival response. Anxiety has biological roots; we are primed to be alert to danger for survival (Porges, 2007, 2011; Ogden & Fisher, 2015). 

In particular, individuals who have previously faced trauma may notice increased hyper-vigilance and anxiety (e.g., feeling jumpy, strong responses to unexpected loud noises, difficulty sleeping, sensory sensitivity, racing fear thoughts).  This is because your brain’s ability to neurocept danger has increased as a result of previous experiences. Sometimes it can also become faulty (ie., seeing danger when it is not there, as a cautious response) (Porges, 2007, 2011; Ogden & Fisher, 2015). 

What to do: 

1. Start with the body to build somatic resource and send a signal of safety to the body. With anxiety and panic often comes shallow breathing and hyperventilation. When you inhale, notice your breath and try to imagine breathing in deep into your chest and belly. When you exhale, exhale slowly (without forcefully pushing the air out) to extend your exhalation. This will naturally counteract the stress response. 

2. Stay curious about what your body is telling you by asking yourself “What is helpful here, what is unhelpful?” 

3. Thank your body for doing its job to keep you safe. 

Explore the possible meaningfulness of anxiety 

Maybe the pandemic is stirring up all sorts of feelings around life, priorities, and purpose. Maybe your mind is drifting to all the things you feel you haven’t accomplished or certain unfulfilled longings in your heart and mind.  Maybe there is a sense of untapped creativity, or a need for a clearer purpose in your life, more meaningful connection (Harrell, 2019; Hayes, Strosahl, Wilson, 2011). 

Is your anxiety centered on something you care about? Anxiety is often most pronounced around the things that matter most and can point us in the direction of clarifying what really matters to you in your life. Maybe there is a fear that seems so irrational or unspeakable that you keep it hidden away. Maybe you try to distract away from it to avoid the potential pain that would surface if it were named. Asking your self the question of what you are most afraid of can seem daunting, but anxiety often functions like a monster under the bed. Once we shine the flashlight and name and see what we are most afraid of, our fears tend to lessen, and they have less hold over us.  We need anxiety in moderate amounts. Anxiety gives us energy to achieve, to strive, or to prepare the plan or resources we might need to cope with a potential danger (Harrell, 2019; Hayes, Strosahl, Wilson, 2011).  

What to do:

1. Practice self-reflection. Write your answers to some of the reflections above in a reflective journal. Read books on topics that reflect your personal development interests and journal quotes or words that resonate with you.

2. Share your fears, speak them out loud, to a trusted other.  

3. As hard as it is, answer the “What if” ie., What would I do if X came to pass? 

4. Find online communities that are having conversations on topics that matter to you ie., podcasts, online conferences, talks, videos. 

5. Choose activities that allow you to express yourself ie., dance, art, writing, crafts, photography, poetry. 

6. Honor your bodies’ cues for rest; keeping a rhythm that reflects your values.

You do not need to be productive during the Pandemic. It is enough right now to have the compassionate intention to take care of yourself and to take care of loved ones. 

Of course, many people do have to work. However, there is also a lot on social media right now creating undo pressure to be extra productive during the quarantine. Be gentle if you find yourself turning to survival strategies that you may have developed previously to deal with hard circumstances. 

 People often develop survival resources in times of adversity that just allows a person to make it through. For example, someone might freeze, hide, over-sleep, or want to run away. There could be something about the pandemic that could trigger these responses, as the feeling that surfaces is similar to the feeling of danger felt in the past (Ogden & Fisher, 2015). 

This is NOT a result of a personal shortcoming. Utilizing survival resources is an example of the resilience and resourcefulness that allows for survival. Of course, some survival strategies do hinder and cause harm, but in order to build other resources, this must be acknowledged first (Ogden & Fisher, 2015).  

What to do: 

(Adapted from Ogden & Fisher, 2015).  

1. Make a list of your survival resources and reflect on how they have helped you in the past. 

 Examples of survival resources:

• Over-eating or under-eating

• Numbing with substances

• Hyper-vigilance to others mood states or needs at the expense of the self 

• Workacholism, or the need for constant productivity

• Overdoing or keeping too busy

• A need to know everything

• Excessive need to excel at school or work 

• Fight, get irritated easily 

• Hyper-vigilance

• Leave, flee, run away or hide 

• Escape into books, music, movies or a fantasy world  

• Disconnection from the self or stop feeling 

• Become detached 

• Sleep too much 

• Shut down/numb

• Read others, anticipate needs 

• Take care of others instead of tending to your own needs

• Cling to others to feel safe 

• Rely on things, not people 

• Over-shop or over-spend 

• Focus excessively on making money or acquiring lots of ‘things’ 

• Rely on excessive exercise 

• Show only the parts of yourself that others will accept 

2.     In your resourcefulness, it is also likely you built internal or external resources to move beyond survival. Make a list of the resources you already have. There is no need right now to do more or add in more than you are likely already doing. These resources don’t pose the same potential harms as survival resources over the long term, and being aware that you already have them, it might make it easier to enact them in the moment when you most need them. 

Some examples of internal and external resources: 

(Adapted from Ogden & Fisher, 2015). 

Relational 
Valuing friendships & family, reaching out to others with healthy boundaries, communication skills, giving and receiving emotional support, connecting with friends and family, support groups, and pets. 

Creative
Music, dance, poetry, writing, sculpture, visual arts, design, sewing, cooking, acting, crafts, interior decorating, gardening, building

Sharing with others in some creative activity, watching performances, and movies.

Nature
Appreciating the sounds, sights, and smells of nature, enjoying an activity in a natural setting, creating gardens or nurturing house plants, appreciating the seasons, nature walks or drives, access to nature or beautiful scenery, the moon, rocks, animals, birds, butterflies, or anything else that you find nourishing.

Somatic
Ability to connect to the body, sensation, grounding through stretching or physical activity, good posture, enjoyment of sensuality or sensual activities, walking, running, dancing, yoga, boxing, martial arts, using indoor exercise equipment, rocking chairs, warm baths, candles. 

Emotional
Having access to the full range positive emotions such as joy, elation, passion and tenderness, tranquility, contentment, ability to tolerate anger and sadness, ability to express and communicate emotions, using emotions as information to guide actions. Friends, family, pets to give and receive emotional support, people to enjoy the emotional high and lows of life, people, pets, activities in your life that inspire high-arousal emotions like joy, passion, and elation as well as peace, comfort, and tenderness. 

Intellectual 
Creative thinking, problem solving ability, intellectual clarity, interest, reading and learning, classes, courses, radio, documentaries, crossword puzzles, sudoku, brain games, audio books. 

Spiritual
Ability to connect to God, the Buddha, Allah, spiritual guides, or any form of deity, gods or goddesses, spiritual teachers, spiritual energy or faith, prayer, experiencing awe or reverence, doing meditation, online participation in a spiritual community, family prayers, spiritual poetry or readings, access to spiritual teachers 

Material
Ability to earn an income, create financial security, capacity to enjoy material things like a cozy chair, lovely home, car, or objects that increase your pleasure in life, having a job, home, transport, washing machines, kitchen supplies, comfy bed, computers, equipment for the outdoors. 

Psychological
Strong sense of self, sense of competency in something, self-compassion, ability to self-reflect and notice ones own experience, having access to a therapist, self help books, workbooks. 

How do I know if I need professional help for my anxiety? 

Check out the list below adapted from the Canadian Psychological Association Fact Sheets for COVID-19.  Or click on the link to check out all the COVID-19 resources.  

If you notice the following:

• Anxiety persisting to the point where you are not able to carry out the home or work-related activities permitted by social distancing advisories 

• Experiencing intense feelings of despair or helplessness or suicidal thoughts 

• Persistent anxiety, worry, insomnia, or irritability. 

• Needlessly avoiding social contacts to the point that you become unnecessarily isolated. 

• Persistently checking your body (e.g., taking your temperature many times each day) or persistently seeking reassurance about your health from doctors, friends, family, or the Internet. 

• Performing excessive or unnecessary hygiene precautions, such as wearing a facemask at home or repeatedly washing your hands when there is no need to do so. 

• Abusing alcohol or drugs, or overeating, as a way of coping with stress. 

• Feedback from friends or family that you seem unusually worried or stressed out.  

Consider consulting with a registered psychologist to find out if psychological interventions might be of help to you. You can also consult a regulated health care professional such as a psychologist, your family physician, a nurse practitioner, psychiatrist, or other mental health provider. 

References 

Braehler, C. & Neff, K. D. (in press). Self-compassion for PTSD. In N. Kimbrel & M.Tull (Eds.) Emotion in PTSD. Elsevier.

Harrell, S. (2019).  Four core strategies to neutralize stress and anxiety [video format]. Retrieved from: https://www.nicabm.com/.

Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2011). Acceptance and commitment therapy: The process and practice of mindful change. Guilford Press.

Neff, K. (2011). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. Harper Collins.

Ogden, P., & Fisher, J. (2015). Sensorimotor psychotherapy: Interventions for trauma and attachment (Norton series on interpersonal neurobiology). WW Norton & Company.

 Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology). WW Norton & Company.

Porges, S. W. (2007). The polyvagal perspective. Biological psychology, 74(2), 116-143.